


to coffee or not to coffee

by danhoweiis



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, phil lester is a flirting machine in this, which is how you know its an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25485871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danhoweiis/pseuds/danhoweiis
Summary: dan doesn't like coffee, phil works in a coffee shop. cue some awful attempts at flirting and some first dates
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	to coffee or not to coffee

Dan hated coffee. It always tasted bitter, no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar he put in it and the smell got up into his nostrils and made his brain feel all funny. So why he was in a coffee shop he didn’t know.

“Can I help?”

The voice pulled Dan from his daze and he looked up at the man who had been speaking. He was tall, wearing a wonky smile and his quiff was drooping over his forehead. 

“Oh, me? No I, d-do you have anything other than coffee?”

The man laughed, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “This is a coffee shop so not really. We do a chai latte, which technically isn’t coffee I suppose.”

“I’ll have that.” Dan said quickly, anxious to get his drink and run the hell out of there.

“Can I get a name?”

“It’s Dan,”

“And a contact number?”

Dan’s head whipped up. “Surely you don’t need my-” The man was staring at him with a hint of a smirk. “Oh,” Dan blushed. Was he really being flirted with in the queue at a coffee shop?

“Sure, it’s 07110631012.” Dan replied with a shy smile.

“One chai latte coming up.” The man said with a smile before turning around to make Dan’s drink. 

He paid for it and took the warm cup into his hands, smiling at the barista. “Do I get to know your name?”

“It’s Phil. Rhymes with hill in case you forget.”

“Ah, thanks for the tip.” Dan said with a nod. “Well see you around, Phil rhymes with hill.”

-

To: Dan   
It’s me   
(phil)   
I dont usually ask people for their numbers but you looked cute and i would have kicked myself if i hadnt

To: Phil   
I’m glad you did   
I dont usually give my number out to random guys ive just met either

To: Dan   
Its my day off tomorrow   
U wanna meet up for a coffee?

To: Phil   
Sounds great except i hate coffee so maybe we could skip the coffee and just get some brunch

To: Dan   
:0 what were u doing in a coffee shop then?

To: Phil   
It was raining. Didnt wanna get my hair wet :p

-

“So, you don’t like coffee?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes. Yes it is. I’m pretty sure my blood is made up of 90% coffee.”

They’d agreed to meet at a cafe in town that Phil claimed ‘did the best pancakes ever.’ Dan had felt nervous before but as soon as he’d sat down and started talking to Phil, his nerves had washed away and it’s like they were old friends.

“You should get that looked at. That doesn’t sound healthy.”

Phil laughed before taking a sip of his drink. “So, you’re at uni yeah? What do you study?

“Drama.”

“So you’re gonna be the next Thor then?”

“Look at me, do I look like I could in any way compare to Chris Hemsworth?”

“No you’re right. You have a point. Maybe spiderman? He’s smaller and skinnier.”

“Hey,” Dan swatted Phil’s arm. “Piss off, I could at least be...Captain America or something.”

Phil shook his head. “No way. Your arms are like sticks!”

“Considering I just met you, you’re not very nice.”

Phil just laughed and continued sipping on his drink. “At least you have possible career goals. I’ve been working part time at that coffee shop for nearly 2 years, waiting for my writing career to kick off.”

“You write books?”

“Screenplays. My brain is just teeming with ideas for short stories or TV shows. Have you seen that episode of Black Mirror, the Bandersnatch one?”

Dan nodded.

“I wanna write something as good as that. I’ve been trying out for apprenticeships and internships since I left uni and no luck. I’m just trying to get my foot in the door.”

Dan nodded again, fascinated by what he was saying. Already Phil was the coolest person he had ever met. 

“We have a lecturer who teaches a screenplay module. I nearly took it this year but I really wanted to focus on the acting.” 

“I wish we’d had someone like that at my uni. For all I know, my screenplays are utter crap.”

It was then that a brilliant idea started to form in Dan’s mind. “I could put you in touch with him? Maybe he could give you some pointers?”

Why was Dan doing this? He didn’t even know Phil. For all he knew Phil could be a serial killer, or someone who didn’t eat vegetables.

“You’re serious?” Phil said, his face lighting up. “Yeah, that...that’d be awesome.”

“No problem.” Dan replied, his mind now racing with the thoughts of maybe this wasn’t a good idea? “I’ll text you my email address and you can send it over to me.”

“Great. Thanks. Thank you so much.”

-

It was a week before they saw each other again. Phil had indeed emailed over his screenplay to him and, as Dan said he would, gone and shown it to the professor. And now Dan found himself back at the coffee shop, hoping Phil would be working.

“Hey, it’s the guy who doesn’t like coffee.” Phil said when he saw Dan walking over to the counter.

“Hi.”

“Now, I know you didn’t come here for the coffee so you must be here to see me.”

Dan rolled his eyes and Phil’s subtle attempts at flirting. “I came because I just finished my classes for the day and...I emailed your screenplay to my lecturer. He seemed a little confused but he sounded intrigued so he said he’d have it back in a few weeks.”

Phil’s jaw dropped and he stepped out from behind the counter and gave Dan a hug. “You’re my new favourite person.”

“Alright, alright. Bit much for a guy you just met don’t you think?” Dan said as Phil pulled away from him. 

“Oh, yeah sorry.” Phil chuckled, straightening out his apron and resuming his position behind the counter. “Do you want a drink whilst you’re here? On the house. Maybe I can get you to like coffee.”

Dan laughed as he looked up at the drinks board. “What would you recommend then?”

“The hazelnut cappuccino is good. And if you get it with almond milk it makes it creamier.”

“I’ll have that then.”

Phil saluted him and went to make Dan’s drink and within minutes Dan was presented with a large steaming mug of coffee, with some sort of flower shape that had been drawn into the foam.

“Is it supposed to be a flower?” Dan asked.

“Yes! Oh my god, finally. I’ve been working on it for ages. It normally just ends up looking like a squiggly line.” He laughed.

“No, it’s uh...it’s great.” Dan said, spinning the mug around. 

“I’m actually on my break now,” Phil said, taking off his apron. “Let me come sit with you and you can tell me if you like it.”

“And if I don’t?” He asked as they walked over to a table in the corner.

“I’ll have to ban you from coming here.” Phil said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Then I’d have to find a new cafe to go to and I don’t know if the barista would be as cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

Dan just shrugged and took his first sip of the coffee. It tasted bitter on his tongue but it only lasted for a second and the nuttiness from the hazelnut and the sweetness from the almond milk came through and he let out an appreciative hum.

“Well?”

“That actually tastes good.” Dan said, licking his lips before taking another sip.

Phil awkwardly tried to bow as he sat down and grinned. “My work here is done.”

“Have I just unintentionally boosted your ego to new heights?”

“You have and if I don’t get employee of the month now I won’t be happy.”

-

“Wait a minute, are you drinking coffee?”

Dan lifted up the paper cup and nodded before taking another sip. “I certainly am,”

It was a few days later and Dan had stopped by at the coffee shop where Phil worked before heading to his lectures for the day. He had barely stepped through the door of the classroom before his friend, Oliver, had spotted him.

“How? Since when do you like coffee?”

Dan shrugged as he sat down next to Oliver. “I just...found one I liked.”

“This has got a boy written all over it. Who is he?”

Dan mumbled something just as he took another sip of his drink.

“I didn’t quite get that, what?” Oliver said, turning to face him and glaring.

“This guy! He works at a coffee shop and in my defence he flirted with me first.”

“And then what? He just made you a coffee?”

“Not exactly. He asked for my number and then we met up last week and we got chatting about stuff and then I saw him the other day when he was working and I did him a favour so he said he’d make me a coffee on the house to try and get me to like it and...I did.”

“A favour?” Oliver said, with a raise of his brow. “You sucked him off?”

Dan looked scandalised and his jaw dropped. “No I didn’t! He wants to write screenplays and I told him last week that Greg teaches a module on screenplays and writing scripts so I said I’d show it to him.”

“Oh.” Oliver replied, now looking sheepish. “That’s actually kinda sweet.”

“See! You need to get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Well, what does he look like? Are you gonna ask him on another date?”

“Jeez Ol, I don’t know. Maybe?”

“Please, for me?” He replied, batting his eyes.

“We’ll see.”

-

“Dan, hey!” Phil called as Dan stepped into the coffee shop and walked up to the counter. “My favourite customer, how can I help you today?”

“Is this just you fishing for tips?”

“Absolutely not!” Phil said, sounding scandalised, “but tips are much appreciated.”

Dan chuckled. “Well, I’ll take one of your speciality coffees and a date.”

Dan was never this bold. He’d been at university for nearly 2 years now and had never had the courage to ask anyone out on a date and yet here he was asking a complete stranger.

“A date? You mean like the fruit?”

“No. like a  _ date _ date. With me. At 7pm on Friday at the bowling alley just off Oxford Road.”

Phil looked up at the ceiling like he was thinking about his response. “That’ll be £3.65 and I'll see you Friday.”

Dan smiled to himself. He had successfully asked a boy on a date and it hadn’t gone horribly wrong. Were his flirting skills improving?

“Uh, Dan? The money?”

“What?” Dan said, being pulled from his daze as Phil waved his hand in front of his face.

“The money. You need to pay for your drink.”

“Oh shit, sorry.” He said as he scrambled for his wallet and pulled out his card. Typical of him for something to be going really well and then for him to just completely humiliate himself. Well done Daniel.

Phil just chuckled and smiled at him. “I’ll see you Friday.”

Dan grinned and pulled out his phone so he could text Oliver.

To: Oliver   
I just asked phil on a date. Does that earn me some gay points?

To: Dan   
:O ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES M8!!!! GET IN THERE!!!!

To: Oliver   
Please never say “m8” again

He collected his drink and made a swift exit through the door and back to his flat, praying he didn’t fall over and embarrass himself.

-

The day of the date had dawned. Oliver had helped Dan pick out his best shirt and he was just finishing styling his hair.

“Nervous for the big date?”

“Ol, we’re going bowling. That’s it. It’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“Let’s just hope you don’t embarrass yourself then.”

Dan turned to face him and glared. “I’m not here for this negative energy you’re giving me. Now piss off and I’ll call you if it turns out to be a disaster and I need rescuing.”

The bowling alley was within walking distance from his flat so it only took 10 minutes to get there. He waited anxiously outside the building, checking his phone compulsively every 5 second in case Phil had texted with a lame excuse to cancel on him.

“Do not fear, your favourite barista is here!”

Dan whipped his head up and saw Phil crossing the road and walking towards him.

“I don’t know about favourite,”

“I got you to like coffee didn’t I? Got to be worth something,”

“Yeah fine whatever.” Dan replied, rolling his eyes.

-

“I got us some chips to shar-” Dan started to say. He had barely placed the bowl down on the small table before Phil had plunged his hand into it and pulled out a handful, shoving some into his mouth. 

“Thanks.” Phil mumbled in response, a wide grin on his face as he looked up at Dan.

“This was supposed to be a date. Aren’t you supposed to be impressing me?”

“I just put 10 chips in my mouth, is that not impressive enough for you?”

Dan shook his head as he picked up a chip and brought it to his mouth, a small smirk on his face. “I’m a tough guy to impress.”

“We’ll see about that.”

They played for an hour and a half and when it came time to leave a part of Dan didn’t want to say goodnight so soon. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this at ease with someone new. Normally he was always so self conscious on dates and tried too hard to “seem cool” but there was something about Phil that just put him at ease.

“I was so sure you were going to win that last game then I snuck in at that last second and got a strike! Victory is mine Daniel!” Phil said as they pulled on their coats and made their way outside. (They had won one game each but Phil had won the second game by 3 points and had not stopped rubbing it in Dan’s face ever since.)

“You’re not being a very good sport you know?” Dan said as they walked alongside each other on the pavement. 

“Who cares I won!”

“Technically we both won. We played 2 games and won one each so-”

“You only won that first game because you sabotaged me. If you hadn’t distracted me I would have gotten a strike. If you’d let me have my turn again I would have won.”

“Phil, that’s not how bowling works.”

“Whatever. I’ll beat you next time.”

Dan froze a little and looked across at Phil. “So there’s gonna be a next time?”

“Well yeah, I had fun. Didn’t you?”

“I-Yeah, yeah I did. I just didn’t think you’d want to see me again.”

“And why wouldn’t I?”

Dan chuckled as he felt a blush creeping across his face. “I don’t…”

“Exactly. Now let me buy you copious amounts of fruity cocktails. I’ve had a long week and I need alcohol in my system.”

Phil immediately grabbed at Dan’s arm and pulled him towards the centre of Manchester in search of a bar. Dan didn’t really feel like he could protest so let his body be dragged through the streets of Manchester until they reached a bar.

They walked up to order, crowds of sweaty people already beginning to gather. There was some pop music playing over the speaker and he was pulled from his daze when he heard Phil say: “Two mojitos please.”

“How do you even know I like mojitos.”

“Well, do you?”

“Y-yeah,” Dan grumbled in response. 

“There we go then.” Phil replied with a chuckle.

They got their drinks and Phil took them over to sit down on some stools. He took a long sip of the drink before looking at Dan and smiling. “So, what’s your favourite video game then?”

“Is that really one of the first things you’re asking me?” Dan said as he put down his glass.

Phil nodded in response, a look of attentiveness and curiosity in his eyes.  _ Yeah. _ Maybe there would be a next time after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!! comments/kudos are appreciated!  
> find me on twitter @danhoweiis  
> reblog on [tumblr](https://danhowellz.tumblr.com/post/624550425636618241/to-coffee-or-not-to-coffee)  
> (thank u to my queen fizz for reading over this for me!!)


End file.
